The Evil Lords Under Satan (Mobility)

Telus has always been out to get me. They know I don't pay my bills carefully, that I will round up to the next fifty, overpay by a lot one month and not pay at all the next. This is not random, what they're doing to me. I could fill a book with what I go through with them in an average year. I probably spent 8 solid hours a year on the phone getting things resolved. It's like being perpetually trapped with pickpockets in a room with no corners.

The most recent reason I am on the outs with them is that they've been dicking me around hard since the fateful day in September when THEY called ME out of the blue, saying "let's put you on a better plan, your bills are crazy and for a bigger package you'd still save $100 a month on overages and incidentals. Also, how about a BlackBerry, since it's your time to renew. Including 1000 minutes of calls anywhere in Canada/US, free at 5pm evenings and weekends including long distance in Canada and the US, and all the bundle features you can imagine, texting, web browsing, etc.  all for $130 a month. Your bill will never ever go beyond that because it would be impossible due to everything being unlimited and included".  

Sign me up!  We did the deal, I went in and bought a Blackberry, and started using it up freely. My first bill came and of course it was a mess of old charges and adjustments and half month this and that, so yeah it was high, and I paid it knowing it'd work itself through by the next billing cycle.  

I paid $130 in November, online, assuming everything was normal. Zero balance...or so it should have been.

Mid December, when we were in Vegas, my phone wouldn't work. I figured it was something to do with being out of the country and didn't panic, though my cell phones historically have worked just fine when I've been in the States. Once home, in the Edmonton airport, it still wouldn't make a call, and so I called their help line right there, at midnight. The account computer told me I owed $399 and I'd been suspended. Whatthefuck?  I had no choice but to put that money instantly on my account from my Visa card, just to re-activate the damn phone. I would sort it out once I was home.

I called them a couple days later and spent 2 hrs talking to various numbnuts and their supervisors and finally a rep saw what happened and said, "We have no record of this change to your account that you say happened in September."  UM WHAT?  So I increased my usage of all those things, and was being billed straight up for them all since September.  Holy shit.  

I finally convinced her that I'd been wronged, just look at how I'd suddenly started using more right around the time I went and got that goddamn Blackberry, and finally she relented and cut me a deal- they'd give me a credit of $470.  Not quite what I was out, but fair enough since it's Telus and that sounded like as much as I could hope for.  I ensured that it was documented and she showed me that my account was properly changed and 'saved' in the system, that I would be on the $130 deal henceforth, and my $470 would cover that for several months down the road.

Then my Blackberry shit itself- its charging port no longer worked. I had a huge run around (a fiasco unto itself) for a few weeks but eventually I had a replacement (refurbished) in my hands.  

The first day of having it, the replacement died. Its "radio" didn't work, so it couldn't receive or send calls or information. Perfect. Back to the store, lots of screaming, and they could do nothing but send me to call Telus Customer Loyalty, the division where they know you're in the red zone, where they try to make things right so that they don't lose your business altogether.

I called and got a lovely man in Montreal. He helped me. He saw the bullshit, he made it all go away. He even altered my package for a locked in 36 months at just $65 a month, with even more minutes and features.  Heaven.  He said "and with your credit, you will not have to pay a bill for seven months!". I told him I loved him, and all was perfect again. He even arranged for me to go pick out any phone in their stores, free, of course, and all attached fees would be waived.  I did so.

SO then I got my bill for this month.  $65.  Owed.  Nooooo.  Where is my credit?  Oh, my fees for last month were $206 and there was a balance owing from way back in November----- 

I calmed down and dialed the Customer Loyalty number again, knowing I'd get another sweetheart to sort it for me.  I knew the details would all be written on my account (which I saw myself online).   A sniveling, condescending little cunt named Gonzalo answered, and immediately started lipping me off, before I even told him why I was calling.  I should have just hung up and dialed again, but I tried to make him see.  He yelled at me, a lot.  He said my credits were gone, that they were voided when I switched my plan!!  Fuckin' A that's magical, innit?  I said "those are DOLLARS, not credits, and where did they go?" He told me I was talking in circles. I said No you're talking in circles. He told me I lost my credit by racking up a $399 bill that was never paid. Oh holy shit.  I got mad, and said "I PAID THAT AND NEVER EVEN OWED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, THAT'S HOW I GOT THE CREDIT!! YOU CANNOT CONFUSE ME ON THIS ISSUE...." and he told me he would be noting me as an abusive customer. I told him he was abusive, actually, and did he think he was a collection agent, or a loyalty representative?  He told me he was making notes of my verbal attacks, that I am a person who makes pot-shots. Then he said "pot-shot" really fast every time I tried to say a word. It was insane!  I told him he was the worst representative I've ever talked to and I hoped the call indeed was being monitored because he'd be fired on the spot for talking to me like this- and he hung up!!!   Honest to God. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open- as bloody if.  I know, without a shred of a doubt, had that exchange happened in person, I would have physically attacked him and it would have been worth whatever trouble I landed in. 

So I went outside and screamed at a snowbank for a while, and when I was spent, I went in and dialed the number again.  A nice lady in Calgary answered. I said, "I am fragile now. A bad man hung up on me and I have no more fight left. Help."  She scanned over my account notes and said, "oh they've been charging you for all kinds of things, look at this long distance!  Where's your credit gone? Oh I see.  $340 credit is reinstated. Your bill will be $65 once the credit is used up."

Sure it will.

Comments

[sheila]

aw, petal... put all of that in a philippino/bad esl americano accent and call it Optus and we're the same. Sometimes, the idea of going postal doesn't sound so far-fetched. I feel your pain.

xo

[CMc]

I am thinking of going literally postal, back to just mailing letters. Then my only fights will be with the post office ladies who put my stamps on crooked.

[Val B Russell]

Telus, Rogers Cable AND Aliant. The three demons of communication who tormented me at various points in my life. Aren't things so much better now that advanced technology is here to save the day? ;) You're an excellent writer and if you don't mind I'll be back to read again.

[sircomfrey]

Well thanks for saying so...and though I'm not sure if these rambling posts are worthy of the praise, I'll take it. Come back any time...(c: